The Accountant and the DJ
by EchoOfTheGhost
Summary: Jasper is a shy accountant with a girlfriend he barely talks to & a family who wants to control his life. Edward is an flirty DJ with a dark past. One day they collide & things change.Throw in Emmet the bartender & Alice the stripper & crazy stuff happens
1. Chapter 1 Collide

**Nothing written here belongs to me. You hear that? Nada, zip, zilch! The lyrics belong to Poets of The Fall and Twilight belongs to SM**

**NOTHING IS MINE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!**

**Delicious**

Fictitious and so real  
Love's a onetime deal  
With a delicious dark appeal  
And a religious kind of zeal, yeah  
So precious, yet surreal  
Life's a onetime deal  
With a delicious dark appeal  
And a religious kind of zeal, yeah

So thank you for choosing me, playing me, displaying me  
And selling me to slavery, yeah  
Thank you for using me, flaying me, erasing me  
Awarding me for bravery

Chapter 1

I was drunk. Well and truly _pissed_. My vision was blurred and I was horny as hell.

Though I couldn't blame that on the booze.

I could blame it on the motherfuckin' DJ who had been taunting me all night with his fuckin' thrusting and gyrating in his booth while he was playin' the music. That androgynous chick with the freaky outfits was playin' right now, and all the chicks were on the floor, dancing to the music.

Tons of sweaty chicks with almost no clothes were twisting their hips and some were even kissing. That was the shit dudes were attracted to. What I _should_ be attracted to.

But no, I was attracted to the guy playin' the music. I don't even know how it happened. A few weeks ago I was a normal guy with a boring job and an equally boring girlfriend (though she had some awesome tits) and now here I was; drowning my sorrows in cheap whisky and ogling a dude at least ten years my junior. Fuckin' hell, I was well and totally screwed.

_Looks like I won't be joining Grams in heaven after all._

I still had the boring job as an accountant, but the girlfriend had left after I couldn't get it up for her one too many times. She was right; the only time I got hard with her was when I was thinkin' about the DJ. I didn't even know his name for fuck's sake!

I was brought back to reality when the bartender gently pried away the glass from my clenched hands.

"I think you've had enough, bro", the older man said. He looked like he was in his early forties - quite old to my 27 years - but I had been here enough nights to see that he left with a different girl each night. "So, I've seen you here enough nights to notice that you're not just coming here for the booze." he said. He rested his elbows on the bar and rested his head on his upturned palms. "I hope you're not coming here to look at me, cause I don't swing that way, bro." he smiled and huge dimples formed on his cheeks and his eyes were sparkling with humor. I could se why the women were so attracted to him: he was very muscled and his curly hair and dimples made him look like a big child. A cute one though. _Where did that come from?_

"Me neither," I said. My voice was raspy from all the booze. "At least I don't think I do. "

Emmett's eyebrows rose on his forehead and I heard him mutter something like "_Edward again"_

"Well, as long as it ain't my ass you'll be checking out tonight, I'm okay with it." Emmet said and winked at me. "My name's Emmett by the way. Emmett McCarty."

"Jasper Whitlock" I replied. We continued talking while Emmett was serving people 'round the bar. It was quite amusing to watch him do his tricks and charm the ladies. They were like butter in his hands. He had such confidence that made the ladies seek him out like bees to honey. I still hadn't told him who I was watching that night, and he didn't ask. I felt comfortable with Emmet, and it felt almost like talking to the older brother or male relative I never had.

As the night wore on and we continued talking I realized that I hadn't looked at my DJ for a whole hour, and it felt wrong in some way, almost like I was cheating. I ignored the feeling and tried to focus on the conversation.

I wasn't really a friendly person. Most people thought me cold or arrogant, but I was simply too insecure to really befriend someone. I always kept relationships strictly professional or casual. It just hurt too much to loose someone.

Even though it felt like I was cheating on my DJ, it was actually quite nice not to think about him for a while. He had been a constant obsession of mine since the first time I saw him two months ago.

_I was out with some friends __at a bachelor party, just tagging along really. I didn't know the groom all that good, but apparently a friend of mine had a cousin who was buddies with someone who knew the groom. Yeah, I had no idea either why I was invited but I wasn't gonna pass up a night of free booze and getting out of my stifling apartment. Being a low level accountant, I didn't have a large enough salary to live in something better than a studio._

_Plus, there might be strippers involved._

_I was quite surprised when the cab pulled up to a high end nightclub and not a seedy strip bar. The groom had to have more money than I expected him to. I paid the cab – my car had broken down, _again_ - and walked towards the building. All of a sudden someone crashed into me; all I could see of him was his rust colored hair and his large computer bag._

"_Hey, watch where you're going, this is expensive equipment!" he shouted at me. He picked himself up from the ground; he had managed to save his bag from being crushed. _

"_It wasn't my fault." I tried to sound calm as I lay there on the concrete; there was no point in starting a fight. "It was you who was running."_

_The boy brushed the dust from his pants and turned towards me. "I'm sorry man, I'm just really late for work" I looked up into his chartreuse eyes and sucked in a breath. He was absolutely gorg__eous. He couldn't be more than 18, and his features were chiseled like a statue. With his large green eyes and almost feminine full lips, he was the epitome of beauty. I had never looked at a man like this before, but I felt the recognizable stirring in my loins when he licked his those sinful lips of his. _

_He reached out a pale hand to help me up, and when I stood straight again he leaned in close to me and whispered into my ear "Maybe I can make it up to you sometime," his voice was positively oozing sex and I moaned. He chuckled slightly and drew my earlobe into his mouth. _

_He let go of my hand and stepped away from me. I felt cold where his legs had chest had touched mine. "See you around" he said and started to run again. He ran into the alley behind the club, but when I followed he had disappeared. I looked around me, but there was only brick wall on each side of me._

"_Fuck!" I screamed and beat my fist into the wall. After that my hand hurt so bad I couldn't help but cuss (again) at nothing. "Ouch, motherfucker, that hurt," I groaned._

_When I joined the others in the club after a while, they didn't even ask where I'd been. I wasn't so sure whether I was relived or disappointed that they didn't care enough to ask._

_I sat down at the bar and ordered some southern' comfort when I heard _his _voice in the speakers._

"_This is for my mystery person that knocked into me tonight." and the song laced with the most sexual innuendo _ever_ began to play. I looked up at the DJ booth and saw him. After which I promptly hid my face in my drink. _

**A/N:**** I hoped you liked it! This is just a work in progress as of now, and I don't know how long it's going to take before it's finished. I am writing chapter 2 as we speak, but I need some feedback! Was it good? Was it bad? Did you think I was a complete loony for making Jasper an accountant and Edward a DJ? **

**Please, tell me before I go insaaaaaaane!**

**(Or maybe I'm just assuming that someone would actually **_**want**_** to read my story and I'm just writing to no one…) **

**P.S. Don't worry, I'm not a review whore that will keep chapter's hostage until I get a certain number of reviews. **


	2. Chapter 2 Filler

**A/N: **

**I'm sorry for not updating sooner. **

**The 28****th**** of September, approximately 7 am, an ambulance arrived at an apartment in Västerås. When they medics came there they found a young man. He was not breathing, had not been for a while, and his lips were blue.**

**The cause of death was a drug overdose. Apparently he had not been breathing for quite some time before she called the ambulance.**

**That man was my brother.**

**At 14 he became an addict, and at 21 it killed him. **

**I have had this chapter finished for quite some time, but I haven't been able to upload it. I am going to keep my original A/N: that I wrote before all of this happened.**

**Thank you all for your kind reviews.**

**OH MY FRICKIN' GOD! **

**Okay, now I've stopped crying and hyperventilating. I'm done with my outburst. =) **

**But I can't believe it! In just a couple of days so many people have put me in their favourites and in their story alerts! Weeeee! I am so happy! I honestly never thought people would like it this much! And I am using way too many exclamation marks!**

**Wow. I'll get back to you when I've regained my ability to function like a human being.**

**Oh. My. God…**

Chapter 2

After that first time I talked to Emmett, we had become something I couldn't name, and it was okay. We were friends, and it was good to have someone to talk to my problems about, even if I still had to come clean to myself before I could talk to him about my obsession with the DJ.

Not to mention that he would have to work with the guy four times a week.

Every time Emmett worked a shift, I would come down to the club and we would drink and talk about… well… guy stuff, I suppose. It had been that way for the past two weeks and it felt good to have someplace to go to so that I wouldn't be left alone with my thoughts.

My mind was way too dark for me to be left alone with it for any longer period of time.

"So, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Me and some friends are going to hit the town after that. You wanna come?" Emmett asked as he was wiping clean some shot glasses. It was late at night and most of the people had already left.

"Sure, that sounds like fun." I said. "Yep, me alone and not knowing anyone sound like the ideal night. Sorry Em, I think I'm gonna pass." I was lying on my back on the bar and balancing a tumbler of scotch on my stomach.

"Come, on Jazz! You gotta get outta that shell sooner or later, and I'm all about doing this sooner. So shut the fuck up, and put on your jacket." Emmett half joked/threatened me. He began to poke at my stomach and trying to make me drop the glass. "Come on Jazzy-boy" he said, "I bet you can't keep that glass on your stomach for two minutes without touching it with your hands."

"That depends on what we're gonna bet on." I said while trying not to laugh as he poked at me.

He stopped poking and his face took on a pensive look. "If _I_ win, you get to meet my lovely pack of friends" he said "and if _you_ win…"

I picked up the glass from my stomach and sat up on the bar. "If I win, you have to dance and sing the Macarena, standing on the bar while everybody's watching."

"Do you really think that getting out one night and meeting my friends is equal to dancing the Macarena in this town's most popular nightclub? Where most of the hot tail in Chicago goes to?" Emmet said.

"Yes! And I get to take pictures." I said. I was feeling giddier than I had in months, and it felt good. I hadn't felt this kind of happiness since Bel…

_No! Stop it right there._ _Don't go there. Going down that road only leads to misery._

"That sound good, Em?" I said. It felt like my throat had constricted and the happiness I felt earlier was gone.

"That sounds good to me, Jazz."

::JE::JE::JE::

"I so owned you!" Emmet shouted to no one.

Yes, as you may have realized, I lost the bet. Stupid Emmet and his poking…

"Fine, but you're paying for the booze and I'm taking a cab." I said. My car had, once again, refused to start this morning. I was seriously thinking about taking it to the dump. But, being the ever so lowly paid accountant I couldn't afford to buy a new one. "No offense, Em, but I refuse to be stranded in a bar where I know no one when you decide to take home your floozy for the night." I said.

Emmett laughed and slapped me on the back. "No offence taken, Jazzy-boy." he said. "Now, come on! I wanna show you my wheels!" he laughed again and I saw he had to contain his joy so he wouldn't jump up and down and clap his hands like a little girl.

It was true, I had known Emmett for two weeks and I still didn't know what kind of car he drove or in which part of the town he lived.

We came out to the almost empty parking lot, most of the people who worked at the club had already gone home, even most of the cleaning staff.

I looked at my wristwatch. "Why would you want to go to another nightclub at 3 am in the morning? " I asked Emmett. "Especially after just spending five hours in one?"

"We're not going to a nightclub, Jazz, we're going to a _bar_!" Emmett said while gesticulating wildly in the air with his huge, inked arms. "In this bar there's a pool table, cheep beer and dart!"

"Which makes it different from any other bar where, Emmett?" I said while trying to contain my laughter at his antics when he was explaining.

"Cause on that very pool table was where I lost my virginity to the very buxom waitress Janice." Emmett said and sighed like he was reliving it all again.

"Ew! Way too much information, man!" I said. I tried to walk and cover my ears at the same time as Emmett began to tell about the experience in detail.

When it looked like Emmett had stopped talking I finally dared to remove my hands from my ears.

Suddenly I walked right into Emmett's back. "The motherfucker's!" he shouted.

I walked around him to see what he was looking at and saw a black sports car with the window smashed and large dents all over it. It almost looked like someone had gone loose with a sledgehammer on it.

"Is _this_ your car?" I asked Emmett. I was both awed at the obviously expensive car and terrified at what Emmett might do if he found the fuckers that had smashed up his car. On the side of the car the word "cock-sucker" and other derogatory words had been spray painted with neon green color.

"Nah, man, it's Edwards lamborghini. He's gonna be fucking pissed when he sees this." Emmett said. I didn't know who this Edward was, but I felt sorry for the sucker.

"Well, he'll find out sooner or later, right? We can might as well get to the bar instead of standing here and looking like we were the one who did it." I said. This Edward sounded quite scary, and I sure as hell didn't want to be around when he got angry. Especially if he were to think that I had wrecked his car.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Come on my car's this way!" that was Emmett to you , he expressed his feelings when he felt it, but was easily distracted.

"This is it, Jazz! This right here is my baby." Emmett said. He sounded like a proud father on his kids' graduation day.

Emmett's car was a huge, bright yellow jeep. It had green and blue flames on the side and all in all, it was exactly what you would have expected from Emmett.

"Well then, let's get this show on the road!"

**A/N: ****The links will be posted on my profile as soon as I have found a picture of a yellow jeep with green and blue flames.**

**Eh…**

**Yeah, you're just gonna have to use your imagination for a while more ;-)**


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